The verbs of purpose: Liberate, remember, integrate, and commit

In the previous article of this series, we defined the ability to know what one wants as “the ultimate life skill” and equated it with the inquiry into life purpose. Next, we will break down the four verbs that are part of the process of inquiring into life purpose, leaving the fifth verb (listening) for a later section. 

Liberate

We are born and raised within social groups that influence and shape our expectations and behaviors. Socialization transmits ways of life that help us integrate into these groups. However, these inherited lifestyles do not always lead to genuine happiness. While maintaining deep gratitude for the various social groups that have shaped us — family, school, religious communities, university, city, and country — everyone must discover their own life project. This means: 

• Finding their unique approach to decision-making
• Defining their unique way of achieving happiness through contributing to the happiness of others 

However, discovering and implementing this project requires distancing oneself from external life projects that others may attempt to impose. Accordingly, students must liberate themselves from such projects.  

The first step in this process involves becoming aware of the individuals and groups influencing the direction of their lives — whether intentionally or unintentionally or with good or bad motivations. With gratitude and respect, students must liberate themselves from these influences, as a life purpose cannot be imposed by others, no matter how much they love or wish the best. As Janan Ganesh notes, the goal is to live one's own life, rather than becoming a victim of circumstances.  

Nevertheless, individuals may sometimes fear liberation and choose to remain within social groups that offer security and an uncomplicated simple recognition. 

See the following anonymous testimony, reproduced by Lucy Kellaway in Financial Times, from a professional in their 40s who did not consider the question of purpose in their profession when they were younger: “I did not grow up wanting to be a lawyer. But I’ve ended up as one because I had good grades and was attracted to the big salary. So I spent six years, some excellent, some less so, writing prospectuses and negotiating meaningless points with a parade of likewise jaded souls. In my early 30s I left and travelled the world for two years, but then I had to come back to law-related work to pay the mortgage. Now I’m in my late 30s and desperately want to do something meaningful. But I have obligations, have acquired a lifestyle. So I lack the courage to change completely, even though I know I could be much happier living another life …but how to get there? And where the hell is “there”? I’m sure I’m not the only one wanting to live every moment as if it means something.” 

Remember

Youth is a pivotal stage where individuals can gain consciousness of their life purpose for the first time. They have grown enough to be able to reflect — enabling them to identify from their experiences, the activities and decision-making patterns that made them happy. As Janan Ganesh states, this is when individuals begin to "know what they want.” 

The central verb in this process is remembering — closely examining past experiences and the feelings they caused. 

In this sense, remembering means looking back at your own past, focusing on the most significant episodes that have remained etched in the student’s memory or heart. Whether moments of joy or pain, they reveal the values and activities that have truly made the person happy, and that could continue to do so in the future. 

It is beneficial to express and articulate these values and activities through a phrase, an image, or even a gesture. This expression should evolve over time, particularly during major life events (such as illness, loss of a loved one, migration, marriage, the birth of a child) or during structured moments of reflection (such as retreats). 

The expression of life purpose changes depending on the circumstances and is voiced in various grammatical modes: indicative (“My life purpose is…”) during times of stability; interrogative (“Is this my life purpose?”) in moments of doubt and uncertainty. See the advice given by the poet Rainer Maria Rilke in Letters to a Young Poet (Alianza, 1999, pp. 44–45) to a young person who is uncertain about their professional and personal choices, regarding the interrogative approach:  

“You are so young, you are so before any beginning, that I would like to ask you as best I can, dear sir, to be patient with everything that is unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and books written in a very foreign language. Do not seek the answers now, which cannot be given to you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday in the far future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.”  

Finally, there is the imperative mode (“This is my life purpose!”) when doubts are resolved and the individual takes decisive actions that are often met with resistance.  

Integrate

In modern society, individuals navigate diverse contexts that demand specific modes of conduct aligned with socially predetermined scripts. In every situation, standardized responses are expected, and positive recognition is given when individuals successfully perform their assigned social roles. In Introduction to sociology (Limusa-Noriega, 2002, p.135), Peter Berger defines the “social situation” as “a kind of reality agreed upon ad hoc by those who participate in it, or more precisely, by those who define the situation. From the point of view of the individual participant, this means that every situation in which they are involved confronts them with specific expectations and requires specific responses to those expectations.” When we respond to those expectations and act according to our social role, we are rewarded with positive recognition. 

Consequently, people often find themselves enacting roles shaped by contrasting values. One might be a demanding parent, a tender and submissive spouse, a competitive professional, an obedient adherent to religious authority, a politically critical citizen, a dedicated amateur violinist, and somebody who prays occasionally. 

Yet none of these roles, in isolation, fully capture an individual’s life purpose. To understand one’s identity within such multiple roles, a process of integration is needed. This involves reviewing the various contexts in which one’s life is embedded and identifying those patterns of decision-making that lead to personal fulfilment and contribute to the happiness of others. It is through integration that situations become opportunities to express one’s authentic way of being — whether as a parent, a spouse, a professional, a believer, a citizen, a musician, or a contemplative individual. 

Commit

An individual’s uniqueness must be expressed through decisions and actions that engage with society. Without commitment, it is impossible to determine whether one’s happiness is linked to bringing joy to others. However, momentary and reversible decisions do not foster deep fulfilment — only stable and long-term commitments within organizations can achieve such fulfilment. 

Hannah Arendt refers to such enduring decisions as promises. Without promises anchored in structured organizations, individuals remain trapped in contradictions, uncertainty, and ambiguity. In The Human Condition (1993, Paidós, pp. 256–257), she writes: 

“Without being bound to the fulfillment of promises, we would never be able to keep our identities; we would be condemned to wander helplessly and without direction in the darkness of each man’s lonely heart, caught in its contradictions and equivocalities — a darkness which only the light shed over the public realm through the presence of others, who confirm the identity between the one who promises and the one who fulfills, can dispel.” 

A promise transforms into commitment when it brings an individual into contact with others who expect the fulfillment of the promise and, in turn, accompany the individual with their own promises. This shared promise creates a mutual obligation. 

Only commitment enables personal fulfilment. Consider the many aspects of life that are nurtured through commitment: the arrival and growth of children; the literary, philosophical, and mystical works produced by thinkers; the theories formulated by scientists; the creations of sculptors, painters, musicians, or filmmakers; the economic organizations launched and sustained by managers who efficiently satisfy people’s material needs; the activism of leaders who advance human rights; the state organizations maintained or transformed by jurists and politicians; the buildings designed by architects and constructed by laborers and craftsmen; the inspiration and motivation offered by exceptional educators. All these accomplishments are made possible by the fulfillment of shared promises. 

Sometimes, however, the organizations to which we are committed may hinder the fulfilment of our life purpose. An individual may become trapped by external influences that limit their potential. In such instances, it is necessary to reinitiate the process of inquiry — starting with the idea of ‘liberation.’